Thursday, May 28, 2015

Immediate Success When Dating Online - Here's How

Several years ago I compiled a list of all the questions asked during my sessions with clients. The most interesting questions related to creating conversations when dating online. And among the biggest challenges as well as the most frightening issue was, "How To Start a Conversation."

This is not unusual, after all, many people when on a date, whether online dating or offline are concerned about looking stupid or sounding silly when they meet someone for the very first time. In my sessions I have helped turn a challenging problem into a knockout winner, even for those guys and girls who are painfully shy when talking with a prospective new partner.

Take a few minutes to read, "Want The Secret To Successful Online Dating? Ask the Right Questions First."

Mostly likely by now you have experienced a few online dating sites and even joined one or two and posted your profile. Naturally you considered or followed through on adding your best picture and now the moment to chat with a potential partner has arrived.

So what do you do first? If you follow the steps most often taken, first thing on your agenda would most likely be to figure a way to determine who your best prospect is and who is going to be deleted from your email box.

Naturally you'll need to find out something about the woman you're about to meet online. For example, who is she really? Is there any truth to the details in her profile? Am I going to stumble into a chat with a daddy's girl... or worse, a gold digger? It would be nice if these categories were provided by the dating sites...

Before you go live online with your dating "interviews" you need to find these things out, even though you can't be direct with your questions. Plus, you definitely want to avoid mistakes that would prevent you from impressing this lady should you determine she deserves more of your favorable interest.

Your moments of small talk should allow for a sufficient warm up period so you can get to the real stuff. Let's look at a strategy that allows you to provide her with an easy way to show you who she really is, but without offending her or making your process too transparent.

Get the ball rolling with the following questions:

1. I've made some mistakes in my past with a lady who was important to me. It taught me to be more honest and open. Tell me what you believe are the worse blunders guys make when they date online.

Be sure to focus solely on listening carefully to her answers. You can learn lots of information that will paint a realistic picture of the lady's way of thinking and her candid perspective on what she thinks about men in general.

2. This is only my second experience with online dating. What do you think about dating on the Internet?

Here's where you'll learn about her experiences and hopefully you'll learn some important things that you should avoid.

3. What happened that led to the break up of your most recent relationship?

This is your most important question so take your time and be thoughtful and sensitive when you ask. Listen carefully and observe whether or not she puts all the blame on meddling friends or family. She might also place all the blame on the guy.

If that's the case, you now have your exit visa. Move on... However, should she say the relationship broke up because it was not a good fit for either of them; you've received the golden answer.

Move forward to getting to know her better, however, you should always use caution and temper your desire for a relationship with patience and sensitivity.

Click here for more helpful tips for dating, especially at online dating sites...

All the best to you,
Sable Combs
Relationship Coach

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

If You Want To Win Her Back After a Breakup, An Apology May Not Be Your Best Option

If you've done all the wrong things, even for what seemed like the right reasons, you've probably experienced the consequences. And more often or not, many relationships end up taking a break, hopefully a short break, although it could be permanent.

And from a guy's point of view, there is usually the denial period. Then there is the good advice of well meaning friends who make suggestions like meeting a new girl at an online dating site. With friends like this his efforts at mending the break tend to prolong the agony of the breakup.

Most guys think the perfect answer, after a breakup, is to apologize to the girl who got away. Some of them have a hard time understanding why this doesn't work - or in some cases makes her even angrier than she was initially. Apologizing is almost always the wrong answer. Here are just a few of the reasons why.

Apologizing is a Sign of Weakness

Fans of the hit television show on CBS have heard this a time or two throughout its many seasons on the air. It's one of Gibbs' favorite sayings. But, it is a sign of being on the weak end of the argument. You never want to broach an argument from a weaker position.

Apologies Come Across as Insincere

Chances are good that you've apologized in the past. Perhaps, you've even apologized for the very things she says are the problems in your relationship. Apologies, without action, do not bring about a sufficient result to make her happy. While you don't have to change everything about who you are, sometimes, you're going to have to make some adjustments to your nature in order to keep her happy and make her FEEL loved by you.

Apologies aren't Specific Enough

Apologizing for "whatever you did to make her leave" isn't going to cut it. She needs to hear the specific reason why you're apologizing. She wants you to acknowledge that you've hurt, neglected, ignored, cheated, or whatever it is that you've done. She wants to know that you understand it's wrong. Problem is, she doesn't always tell you what you did. Which leads to the next reason it's a bad idea to apologize when your girlfriend leaves.

It's Too Easy to Apologize for the Wrong Thing
The last thing you want to do is add fuel to the fire by apologizing for something you think she found out about, while failing to apologize to the thing that's really set her off. Talk about digging in deeper! The bottom line, when it comes to apologies, is that there are many more ways to get it wrong than there are to get it right.

If you feel you must apologize, it's best to do it in writing and follow these simple rules.
1)    Be specific.
2)    Make your apology brief.
3)    Keep it simple.

Putting it in writing prevents a fight, gives her time to think it over, and provides a neutral setting where she can process the apology and what it may mean for your collective futures.

Apologies, for the most part, have a negative impact on the future of the relationship. Instead of a apologizing, look for positive aspects of the relationship and attempt to capitalize on how good you were together rather than revisiting mistakes that were made along the way.

Click here for more ideas that can help you win back the love of your life...

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All the best to you,
Sable Combs
Relationship Coach

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Who Says Corny Is Out of Style When Dating Online?

The other day my best friend said her boyfriend sent her this quote on a decorated email,

"Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says, I need you because I love you."
Erich Fromm

I loved it, and Sherry liked it too, but she was surprised that her very hip boyfriend of four weeks had a corny side. Then she started worrying that he might be to conservative for her.

Here's my take on that issue. In today's world men tend to hang out with their boys and their boys definitely don't brag about being corny with their dates, and they certainly don't share very much about their real feelings about their girlfriends. It is clear they will brag about certain segments of their relationship, but those areas of conversation about dating rarely mention anything about emailing love quotes or sending flowers "just because."

However, one thing is certain and that is guys, just like girls, need and desire companionship and hanging out with the guys doesn't cover the relationship part of the whole companionship thing. On the other side of relationships, my gay guy friends, also need companionship and do hangout with their best girlfriends and enjoy their time together, but those relationships also don't cover all the companionship things that make a person's life more complete. You must be open to sharing all the sides of your personality, desires and quirky things like love quotes and your unbridled love for MMA (lots of my girlfriends have issues revealing this side to their boyfriends).

All in all, corny is good and while keeping your dating life in a secret place in regard to what you share with the guys, so to speak, doesn't mean that corny is is a relationship threat. On the contrary, being affectionate and finding unique/corny things like poems that resonate with your sensitive side, provide the connecting piece for the circle of love that surrounds solid and lasting relationships.

It's all about love and love doesn't work with rules that require a person to always be locked into logic and reason. Love is about emotions, and those need to be shared in your relationship.

Click here for more dating tips that work everytime:)

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All the best to you,
Sable Combs
Relationship Coach

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Making a Good First Impression at Online Dating Sites

My first attempts at dating online were disastrous and that is an understatement by a mile, however things did get better.... eventually. Actually my journey into courses in relationship studies, evolved into my studies and certification as a relationship counselor. 

Even though I have been practicing for more than 9 years, I still read nearly every article about relationships and online dating that I can find. 

Recently I came across a tip filled articled on the Consumer Search webpage titled, "How to Choose an Online Dating Site" and thought it would be important to share their suggestions and recommendations. After all, following common sense approaches is always a good idea. And from my experiences of years ago, common sense when dating online is a solid and proved good idea.

Take a look at Consumer Search's tips for what is important when beginning a search of online dating sites:
  • A profile that reflects who you are. Some sites have a limited number of questions with standard answers that don't let you express fully who you really are.
  • Features to help whittle down the list of possible matches.Keyword searches offer flexibility, but a search form with multiple different search criteria can also help.
  • Security affiliations that protect your personal information.Although this isn't a standard in the industry, it's a plus if the dating service uses a privacy program like TRUST to protect your personal information; look for the trademark on the website.
  • Mobile applications. If you are rarely home or are often unable to access a computer, look for a dating site that has applications with features that are phone friendly, even if they cost extra.
  • Promotional offers. Many dating sites offer promotions, but they may require paying for a long-term subscription.

Click on Consumer Search to read the full article

Click here to see what others are doing to hook up with great dates...

All the best to you,